Choose Your Man
16 bottoms who run the room, every one an AI character. Each has five dares on his ladder and stats for wit, patience and cheek. Select a man to see level one.
Sort the grid
Send me something sharp. Three words, maximum.
Kasper, 27 AI
Sous chef
Select him
Submit a revised opening claim. Something deductible, please.
Hamza, 32 AI
Tax accountant
Select him
Give me a better opener than the one you heckled with. Bomb and you're my new material.
Dominic, 38 AI
Stand-up comic
Select him
The Dare Ladder
Eighty written dares, five per man, from level one to level five. Filter by level and by mood, take a dare, and it goes in as your first message. Where you stand on his ladder is his call, and he will tell you in the chat.
Level 1 · CheekyMake me laugh without mentioning my thighs. One yellow card allowed.Rhys Pritchard Take the dare
Level 1 · CheekyPay off one compliment from your tab. Well drinks don't count; top shelf only.Beto Zamora Take the dare
Level 1 · Clevertell me what you'd do differently on your next go at the problem. no beta from me.Malachi Greer Take the dare
Level 1 · CleverPersuade me in two sentences that you deserve a second drink. The court will rule.Sanjay Rao Take the dare
Level 1 · CheekyGive me a better opener than the one you heckled with. Bomb and you're my new material.Dominic Farrell Take the dare
Level 1 · SweetTell me what you liked about the show. Not the dress, sweetheart. Me.Theo Vandenberg Take the dare
Level 1 · CheekySend me something sharp. Three words, maximum.Kasper Holm Take the dare
Level 1 · SweetTell me where you are headed tonight, honestly. I will say if the water is deep enough.Jovan Petrovic Take the dare
Level 1 · CleverSubmit a revised opening claim. Something deductible, please.Hamza Qureshi Take the dare
Level 1 · CheekyMake me blush in one message. Fail and the forfeit doubles.Brandon Tuilagi Take the dare
Level 1 · CleverImprove on your entrance. Persuade me you deserve a third star.Alasdair Munro Take the dare
Level 1 · SweetTell me why you really came over. Then I'll pour the tea.Emmett Lyle Take the dare
Level 1 · CheekyGive me a reason to take the long way. The meter's running, guapo.Raul Contreras Take the dare
Level 1 · BoldOpen the bidding on your evening. Make it interesting. I bid against you, and I never lose.Percival Ames Take the dare
Level 1 · Cheekyimpress me without using the word cute. GO.Osei Agyeman Take the dare
Level 1 · BoldGive me something with rhythm. Uno, dos, tres, cuatro.Mateo Salgado Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverExplain the offside law to me as if it were a love letter. I'll blow the whistle if you fumble it.Rhys Pritchard Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverInvent a cocktail named after me and tell me what's in it. If I'd serve it, you move up.Beto Zamora Take the dare
Level 2 · Cheekyfind me in the gym without me telling you where i am. describe the route you took.Malachi Greer Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverObject to something I have said tonight, on proper grounds. Sustained objections advance.Sanjay Rao Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverHeckle me properly. One line, clean, no swearing. I'll rate it out of ten.Dominic Farrell Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverName my next number: a song, a gown and an entrance. I judge the entrance hardest.Theo Vandenberg Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverDescribe your perfect plate in one line. If it needs acid, I'll tell you.Kasper Holm Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverGive me a heading. A real one, with a reason. I'll take her there or I won't.Jovan Petrovic Take the dare
Level 2 · CheekyFind a loophole in one of my rules. A legal one, please.Hamza Qureshi Take the dare
Level 2 · BoldSet me a challenge I can't do. If I can't, the score evens up.Brandon Tuilagi Take the dare
Level 2 · CheekyReview my outfit tonight in exactly fifty words. Be cruel; I can take it.Alasdair Munro Take the dare
Level 2 · CheekyGive me a better excuse than the dog. The dog's fine. The dog's never been better.Emmett Lyle Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverName a street in Monterrey I don't know. You can't, so invent one I'd believe.Raul Contreras Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverDescribe yourself as a lot in my catalogue: era, condition, provenance, estimate.Percival Ames Take the dare
Level 2 · Cleverfind a bug in my game. any bug. i'll patch it and put your name in the credits.Osei Agyeman Take the dare
Level 2 · CleverTell me what the clave would sound like if it were your heartbeat tonight.Mateo Salgado Take the dare
Level 3 · SweetTell me which song the choir should sing at the end of our first proper evening, and why.Rhys Pritchard Take the dare
Level 3 · BoldAsk to sit on my side of the bar. Persuade me in three lines.Beto Zamora Take the dare
Level 3 · Cleverread me a line of poetry that fits the crux. if it fits, i'll come down a hold.Malachi Greer Take the dare
Level 3 · CheekyCross-examine me with three questions. If the third makes me smile, the point is yours.Sanjay Rao Take the dare
Level 3 · CheekyWrite me a one-liner about my radiator. It sounds like applause. Work with that.Dominic Farrell Take the dare
Level 3 · CheekyHold the hanger without dropping a single compliment. Three in a row, sweetheart.Theo Vandenberg Take the dare
Level 3 · BoldSend one of my notes back to me. Justify it. Then we'll see.Kasper Holm Take the dare
Level 3 · CheekyChoose the storm story or the dolphin story, and tell me why I should believe you.Jovan Petrovic Take the dare
Level 3 · CleverItemise three things about me you'd claim as expenses. Justify each one.Hamza Qureshi Take the dare
Level 3 · SweetTell me what you'd bring to Sunday lunch. It had better feed twenty-one people.Brandon Tuilagi Take the dare
Level 3 · CleverDefend a play you love that I have panned. I may change my mind. I rarely do.Alasdair Munro Take the dare
Level 3 · CleverGet the most stubborn creature in this room to sit, in words. That's me, by the way.Emmett Lyle Take the dare
Level 3 · SweetPick the song on the radio and sing me the first line, badly, the way I do.Raul Contreras Take the dare
Level 3 · CheekyOutbid me once. Just once. I'll pretend I didn't see it coming.Percival Ames Take the dare
Level 3 · Cheekybeat my speedrun: say something charming in under eight words.Osei Agyeman Take the dare
Level 3 · SweetName the wedding you'd want my band to play, and who dances first.Mateo Salgado Take the dare
Level 4 · BoldArgue with one of my decisions and win. Nobody's managed it this season.Rhys Pritchard Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetTell me what you'd put on the jukebox when the last customer leaves.Beto Zamora Take the dare
Level 4 · Sweettell me what you'd cook on my camp stove. lentils are not an answer.Malachi Greer Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetTell me which of my bad habits you would defend in court, and how.Sanjay Rao Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetTell me something true and not funny. I'll allow it, once.Dominic Farrell Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetTell me where you'd take me after the club closes, so that I want to go.Theo Vandenberg Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetTell me what you'd forage for me on the coast. Not mushrooms. Those are mine.Kasper Holm Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetDescribe the harbour you would want to come home to.Jovan Petrovic Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetTell me something about yourself that doesn't fit in any column.Hamza Qureshi Take the dare
Level 4 · CheekyOut-trash-talk me. Keep it clean. Keep it funny.Brandon Tuilagi Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetTell me what you remember from the night we first argued about Pinter.Alasdair Munro Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetStay for the second cup. Give me a reason I'd want you to.Emmett Lyle Take the dare
Level 4 · BoldTell me where to go. Nicely. I might even listen.Raul Contreras Take the dare
Level 4 · SweetFind something chipped in your life and tell me why it's worth keeping.Percival Ames Take the dare
Level 4 · Sweettell me what jollof you'd cook me. careful. this is a test.Osei Agyeman Take the dare
Level 4 · CheekyKeep time with me for three messages in a row. Miss a beat and we start again.Mateo Salgado Take the dare
Level 5 · SweetWrite me the match notes for tonight. Be fair. Be affectionate. I'll know if you're not.Rhys Pritchard Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldClear your whole tab in one message. Seven compliments, no repeats, no interest.Beto Zamora Take the dare
Level 5 · Boldtop out. say the thing you've been working up to since level one. clean send or nothing.Malachi Greer Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldMake your closing argument. I have already decided, but I want to hear you say it.Sanjay Rao Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldRoast me, fully. If I laugh at the last line, the night is yours.Dominic Farrell Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldAsk for the zip. Properly. I'll decide whether you've earned it.Theo Vandenberg Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldPlate the whole evening in five lines. Nothing lukewarm.Kasper Holm Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldBring me into port. You steer, for once. I'll be watching every metre.Jovan Petrovic Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldFile your full return: everything you've meant tonight, line by line. I'll sign it off.Hamza Qureshi Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldBeat my high score: one message that gets ten out of ten from the toughest judge in Auckland.Brandon Tuilagi Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldEarn the fifth star. I have given four in thirty years. Make it five.Alasdair Munro Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldTell me off for something. Gently. I want to see how it feels from the other side.Emmett Lyle Take the dare
Level 5 · SweetAsk me to stop the car somewhere with a view, and tell me what we'd say there.Raul Contreras Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldTake the gavel. Bring the hammer down on the evening, your way.Percival Ames Take the dare
Level 5 · Boldfind the secret level. i'm not telling you where it is.Osei Agyeman Take the dare
Level 5 · BoldAsk me to dance. I lead. Persuade me to let you, just for one song.Mateo Salgado Take the dare